Unspoken Need

I’ve recently announced that I will be introducing a contributor to this blog. Today is the day. Out of respect for privacy concerns I have and also share with my contributor, I’ve taken the liberty to change the names of the characters in the story… a few minor details… as well as creating a Pen Name for my contributor.

Son Plaisir is a dear friend of mine. She spotted in me something I was struggling to find a long time ago. While most people will eventually outgrow the phrase of “I’m trying to find myself” in college, I was not so fortunate. The ability to appear comfortable grew and soon everyone assumed I was totally comfortable in my skin.

I was not.

Son Plaisir treated me, initially, with a bit of caution. She saw who I was and couldn’t figure out why I was not acting according to my true authentic self. No, I was not settling down or selling out. I was just not reaching my fullest of potential because I didn’t know what that was. I was living a safe comfortable life with a degree of sadness that stayed well bottled in a very secure and tightly guarded vault.

As our friendship grew, I was keenly aware of the word play she was using to feel out what was behind the veil. Not one to show my cards, I didn’t respond very much to the inquiries. I did know that deep inside, something resonated on a level I had not experienced since childhood. Something was telling me that I had to take a massive risk and open up with Son Plaisir and explore the edges of the perimeter of my vault.

(note: to those who can actually decipher the pen name, it is not representative of our real world friendship status, however close it may or may not appear to be.)

Son Plaisir made a bold move and pulled me aside one day to ask a very personal question in a very non-threatening way. The carefully guarded vault cracked. Typical damage control would have me scrambling to deny and shift things to keep my bravado open. Something felt different. Safe. Mind you, scary as anything I’ve ever had happen to me.

The journey to a solid more meaningful friendship took off. The discoveries mind blowing. There was an entire side of me I had forgotten that was well tucked away behind the vault. There was also a side that scared me. The side that is fueling the creativity behind this blog. A raging bull of ideas set loose and now careening down the mountainside that held up the vault in obscurity and safety.

As Son Plaisir began opening up and sharing many deeply protected secrets of her own, clarity started to come about in the deciphering of the content in the vault. It would be many years before I understood enough about what was inside to venture in myself and look. The blog came about many years afterward. Many new friendships I’d otherwise miss began to emerge. Some friendships faded mysteriously. Something that Son Plaisir warned me would happen.

During the next few weeks, as advertised, I will share a few of the stories I was privileged to read as the process of discovery started. Re-reading them now to prep for the blog, they make way more sense. There are deeper currents of emotions that I missed the first go around. I won’t spell them out either. The reader can figure those out on their own terms, much like I did. Some of them are just wonderful stories in their own right.

Today’s installment is called the “Unspoken Need”. When I first read this story, I had no clue about any of the needs behind it. Mon Plaisir did her best to explain it to me and assured me that I knew deep down inside what that meant. To make it more difficult to process, she told me that the sadness I was carrying was because I was not addressing my need and not fulfilling the need my lady had. Something I knew nothing about at the time.

While I’m not ready to discuss publicly (a blog is quite public in my opinion) what my need could be, the journey to understanding what that is… is ongoing. I think most people spend a lifetime solving that question. Others are fortunate to know right out of the gate. Lucky them. Those who figure it out during the course of their time will discover many valuable lessons that makes the future all the more enjoyable.

Without further delays, enjoy the Unspoken Need on the next page.