The human parallel: Wolf Pack

The wolf has ranks. Alpha, beta, etc. Man has ranks too. But man has ego.

Men often assume that the pack is him and his buddies. Ah, silly boys. The pack is the man and his lady plus any children they have together. (this is not discounting man’s ability to form many types of packs that do not fit the male-female-child model)

The pack is the unit that is built on trust, promise, commitment, and love. Notice that love ran last in the list. That’s not by accident. The promise is validated by the trust built off the commitment which manifests it’s gift in the form of love. However, the manifestation is not limited to love or exclusive to love.

Several men, sadly, assume that women can not be their equal. The tragedy of such misguided view is not always the fault of the man who holds such narrow views. However, such is not serving his pack well. The man who learns to honor and respect his lady does himself more good than he can ever count.

Just like in the wolf pack, many tragedies have been averted by the keen senses of a lady who knows how to alert her gentleman of harm that may befall him or the pack. It is a wise man who learns to listen very intently to the communications of his lady. Often, women do not rely exclusively on transactional speaking to share their thoughts.

A man who is capable of leading his pack is very patient, understand short-term, medium-term, and long-term vision/planning. He waits his time. He calculates his moves. He plans ahead. He never forgets the values he holds and the people who depend on him.

It’s team work. It is the pack that moves. Sure, one of the perks is he gets to eat early or first, but he never eats such that the pack has nothing to eat. (many a wise men have fed their women first and reaped many blessings for it)

Some guys will spend all their extra cash on booze, tech, and cheap thrills. Such foolery is not an alpha male’s work. While the alpha may enjoy the spoils of his hard work, he is not one to leave his pack at risk. He will invest wisely at home first before venturing out to have fun with other wolves… if he even ventures out at all.

The honor code, affectionately known as the bro code, allows such a man to have his own respect, the respect of others, and navigate around society honorably.

There is a reason why gentlemen of valor were deemed in very high esteem throughout the ages. The tech age does not erode this at all. It only masks the flaws for a short while. Think of the ride hailing tech unicorn. For a while, no one dared question the valor of the upstart. But, in time, the lack of valor has dampened the growth/image of the disruptor.

Much like wolves, gentlemen do not make it their business to disrupt but to uphold the values and honor of their tribe. Sure, the pack will adjust to reality and move about as needed, but the core values never get compromised. The pack depends on the values being respected and upheld. Even in the midst of intense innovation and change, principals are not compromised for short term gains. Principals are matured for long term success.

Trust and security is centered heavily on the respect of the honor code. When anyone dishonors the code, the pack handles it quickly and swiftly. There is no room for code breakers. Get your own pack and build your own tribe if you can’t be a part of the larger tribe.

That’s why there is only one alpha male. One alpha female. Everyone else falls in line. In the wolf pack that is. In the human pack, things are a bit more dynamic. Nevertheless, in any given circumstance, there is one alpha. Who that may be will vary depending on circumstance. That’s just the complexity of being human

You may be the alpha male in your church group but nowhere near that in your work group. You might be the lieutenant in your social group and the sentinel in your sport group. (funny thing… alphas tend to be alphas where ever they go… they may opt not to be the top alpha of a particular group, but they themselves are not changed by settings)

When it comes to your relationship however, you’re equal to your lady. You both run the show. You both work as a team to make the relationship work. You both have to put in your two cents. You both have to negotiate. You both have to contribute and make the relationship awesome.

But then. There is the whole topic of division of roles. At some point, someone has to take the point, the lead, the face of the team, the initiator, the trigger.

That person is the alpha wolf of the pack. In many cases, that’s the man. In many other cases, that’s the woman. That’s just how it works out. Neither scenario is wrong. Just don’t ask Hollywood. They will tell you that only the man can be the alpha. They love that silicon valley fueled image. It’s false though. It doesn’t work like that for everyone.

Nothing wrong with the woman being the alpha of the pack. They do just as well and just as fine. Why? Men and women are equally capable.

The difference really boils down to preferences and personalities. Some folks just have that dominance in their blood. Some folks have the submission in their blood. When those two sets come together, it’s beautiful magic.

When two dominants come together, one has to give way. There is only one alpha. Same goes for when two submissives come together, one will be more dominant than the other. That’s just how life works. However, when two of the same come together, things do not always feel as magical as when two opposites come together. Hence the expression “opposites attract”.

No matter the combinations, each pairing has to figure how they will divide the labor of love… for that is where leadership meets the nuances of reality. Who does what? When? How? Etc.