There are questions that arise when uncovering the flip side of romance. The nature of the discourse changes when things go from emotionally based (love) decisions to more rationally based (trust & respect) decisions.

Before anyone grabs the dictionary and make a valid point, emotions are significant players in trust, respect, and love. However, the mind has to be more engaged in matters of trust and respect to override the feelings of love.

Example. One can love a person to tears and yet have no trust and respect for said person. Just ask anyone who had to kick a cheating person to the curb. Doesn’t matter how much you love them or want to act loving, at some point, the trust is not there and the respect is faded… they have to go.

With that framework in mind, let’s tackle the very first question and answer Wolf Wednesday ever. These questions come from a mix of origins. Some from social media, others from creative processes, and still others from round-table discussions from the author’s other life off-line.

Wolf Wednesday Q&A

Can all men be dominant?

This question has come up a few times. The simple answer is no. Not everyone is born a dominant or submissive personality. The human race is built on a spectrum. Where one fits in the lottery on that spectrum is down to luck, environment, and genetics. All working together into a sweet mix that is the adult human being.

That said. Not all men are dominant in personality. Not all situations will have the same man behaving in the same manner of dominance. What is true… a dominant personality tends to remain so relatively consistently in most settings. Same can be said for the submissive personality.

Bonus answer. In no way shape or form is the submissive personality a weaker personality compared to the dominant one. Think of it like looking at a coin. No one says the face side is weaker than the tail side or vice versa. What makes the difference is the degree of confidence/self-esteem a person has. Lastly, for this topic, in order for the presence of a dominant to be understood in it’s expression, there needs to be a submissive. We won’t touch the impact of relativity for this question today.

What happens to a relationship when the woman is more dominant than the man?

Short answer – nothing out of the ordinary.

It appears as though there is a sub-section of the population that feels it is wrong for a woman to be more dominant than her man in a relationship. That is purely and utterly inaccurate. The woman being more dominant is not a bad thing at all. It just means that she’s more dominant. Period.

In those settings, it is important that trust and respect is upheld just like it would if the man was the more dominant. The only subtle note is what the couple choses to show in the public setting. And that is something they have to discuss internally.

In the setting where this question has arisen the most… there is a societal cost to the man appearing submissive to his wife. No value judgment being passed on such corners of society. That said, in those settings, it is imperative for the well being of the relationship that the couple (should they so decide) master the art of giving the appearance of equal footing to the world. Treading very carefully here

The couple makes whatever plans they make and live their lives as they see fit… but in the public light, the man may be the voice that expresses the couple’s decision. That way, until such time when that community understands the importance of respecting all views… the couple does not attract unnecessary and unsolicited negative judgment/actions on themselves for being themselves. Again… the couple will decide if they want to do this or not and act accordingly

That said. The couple should not feel they can’t educate or spread the word about the normalcy of having a relationship where the lady is the dominant. After all, that is how change happens, that’s how progress is made. Hence why this blog is touching this topic today as well. It is perfectly normal and OK for a woman to be the dominant one in a relationship. Let’s stop making being human taboo… when it doesn’t match our way of seeing humanity.

Is it a sin to want or participate in the BDSM lifestyle?

No.

What two consenting adults do in their committed loving relationship is a function of the trust and respect they have for each other. Plus, in full trust and respect, one can explore the limits of love.

What people get hung up with… is the physical manifestations of BDSM. What most fail to understand, the physical manifestation is not always indicative of the actual love, trust, respect of a relationship. Anyone can use brute force to restrict someone else’s physical freedom. And that is just not cool. However, it takes strength, understanding, accountability, sensitivity, and a whole lot more… to give control to another.

Speaking of control. It’s a well discussed exchange. There are parameters. There are limits. There are exit points. One can take back control freely. There are conditions. It’s the maximal care and attention to details.

BDSM is about the mind, heart, and soul connection built on trust and respect which then is expressed in various loving ways. What’s the sin in that? Isn’t that the whole purpose of two shall become one? Extreme trust and respect.

That said… not every person who participates in BDSM ends up whipped, cuffed, gagged, or what have you… or ends up doing such things to someone else. Each relationship has it’s own way of doing what it does… and never is that couple wrong for doing what works for themselves.

Can I teach my man to be a Dom?

That depends really. Is he one?

If he’s not, then no… you can’t. Even if he’s a great actor and can perform like one, he won’t become one. No faking it until you become it. Sorry.

If he already is, then you can work with him to find what works best for the both of you.

If he doesn’t know that he is, then, you can encourage his journey of discovery in a supportive way. Showing him what you need… introducing reading material to him… facilitate conversations with others who can show him some light. But this only will work if he’s willing to uncover what is already within.

How do I post comments on this blog?

In most posts, there is a comment box below for one to post comments. As it currently stands, your first post will go in for moderation. Once reviewed, your post will appear on the blog. It usually will get a comment (within a few days).

Why is it set up so? The default requires moderation. It’s to cut down on spam. So far, spam has not been an issue… but on other blogs that I write… I do see a high amount of spam.

I don’t currently have a mailing list, so no messages coming from me if you’ve not subscribed to the blog… at which point the only message from me is about the latest post being live.

Should I ever do a newsletter, I will ask permission of anyone who wants to get such a newsletter. The inbox is sacred and there are too many messages as is. Not trying to add too much more.

One more thing, you don’t have to give your name… as in legal name… just a functional email so the site doesn’t flag your message as spam. See you in the comments area.

Extra note – I do chat a bit on social media. If you’re on Instagram, you can reach me there with ease. Shallowsofdeep is the name… very original? I think so. Lol

Until the next Q&A.. Go out there and be charmingly authentic 🙂

p.s. the views expressed are not representative of a community as a whole… they do incorporate a mixture of researched data, views, opinions, mixed with that of the author’s. To be taken as entertainment content. All relational advice should be taken with careful consideration from experts and only acted upon after careful review with key stakeholders of your relationship… ie… you and your significant other.

For those, in the future, who will want to binge on older Wolf Wednesday posts, they will be aggregated in groups on the portfolio section of the blog below. Just click on the image or title to access the table of contents of that group. Thank you for checking out the posts in real time and in binged review.