With time, as the couple practices their art of intimacy, their language gets all the more rich in nuances so that each encounter gets more meaningful.

While not all people engage in deep eye contact, this explains why most do. The deeper the act of trust, the more intense the communication of the eyes becomes. Same for the vocalizations of sounds, and the complexity of touch. Rich massive volumes of information is transmitted during intimacy.

It is the alpha male’s responsibility to learn the full lexicon of his sub’s language as quickly as possible to keep her safe, keep her trust, keep her secure, keep her healthy and well.

This does not take away from the sub’s responsibilities to help assist the alpha male in knowing her language. There are ways for a woman to communicate her needs without coming across as a threat to her man.

The communication style that works great in the boardroom or in the workplace is not the one that will work best in the bedroom. Unless the play is to mimic the boardroom/workplace. In general, that masculine-assertive-take-no-prisoner tone will trigger the defense mechanisms of most dominantly inclined men. A defensive person is not as willing to listen to fine nuances. The focus then is survival, not nuanced intimacy.

The word nuance comes up a lot here because each intimate encounter is unique to itself. Each couple is unique in their bond. Each relationship exists in the greater context of many others. What worked last year won’t be the same identical thing that works this year, let alone next.

The art of listening is an ever shifting goal post that constantly changes. Those who can keep up experience amazing bonding moments. Those who fall behind start to feel the strain of growing apart.

The art is easiest when it has momentum behind it. Meaning, you’ve got a great relationship already, it’s more than likely going to be easier to keep it great than starting from scratch to make it great. The same goes for when things cool off. There is downward momentum. It takes work to turn a relationship around, but it can be done.

The job of each in the relationship is to do their part. The Dom’s part is to lead the process of the relationship being great by listening closely to all the information his sub feeds to him. How he responds will have great influence on the nature of trust that she holds for him.

Keep in mind. A neglectful Dom will soon find himself without a sub. Trust has to be maintained in full respect for her to want to stay and do her part

Wolf Wednesday

The art is learned. Let no man turn around and shrug off his responsibility by blaming society for not teaching him how to listen to his lady. The wolf pack teaches all of it’s members how to listen.

Man is born with the ability to learn. That ability stops when the brain is altered such as to not learn… or death. If that ability to learn was no longer available, said man would not be able to move his career up. Such man would not be able to move to a new town and figure how to live in his new place.

Everyone can be dropped into a foreign country and learn the language of that country. They may have an accent, but that doesn’t prevent them from learning how to communicate their needs and understand the rules of the place. It may take time. But in time, they will learn.

The same can be said for communication in a relationship. A man will, should he so desire, learn to empathize. He will learn to share his feelings. He will learn to patiently reflect on the needs of his lady.

He may need help from tutors, mentors, teachers, therapists, or coaches. However, without physical limitations, the man will learn the language of love his partner needs… if he wants to. The same for the lady in the relationship. If she wants to, she can learn his language of love and adapt to better connect with him. (*barring physical limitations of course)

Listening is an art and a science. There are definitive skills that come into play. There are definitive techniques too. What makes it an art is the ability to adapt it to the partner one has. Serving the other’s needs in a custom way.

That is what is so beautiful about the BDSM lifestyle. It’s not the whips. It’s not the chains. It’s not the gags. Those are all toys. It is the unique ability to trust someone else to totally understand your needs and supply them to the best of their ability. Each couple finds their own unique style and blend. They work to that point through their own art of communication.

The Dom takes great pride in knowing the needs of his sub and giving her the space to fully enjoy herself inside the trust bond that exists. The sub takes great pride in nurturing that trust bond and giving her Dom the space to allow him to craft his care for her. There is more to this than this simplified notion of listening… of course

In the end, without the couple actively intently listening, the trust levels either can’t rise or can’t be sustained and pain of the unwanted variety will ensue.

Note: if you’re going to get involved in the levels of trust that BDSM requires, please, do not just jump in full throttle. Work on the relationship’s inner game first. Find out what each other’s expectations are. Learn to understand how each other communicates… how needs are met, expressed, and addressed. Start slow, build slowly, and get qualified advice and mentoring. There is no finish line and no race. Work up slowly to the comfort level that works for you both… and only you both. Anything more would be putting your own happiness at needless risk. Keep asking questions. Keep listening. Keep clarifying and confirming. Keep affirming. Repeat. What is working today will need to get tweaked so it can work tomorrow.

Enjoy the journey of perfecting your listening art. Until next time… keep your ears sharp!

For those, in the future, who will want to binge on older Wolf Wednesday posts, they will be aggregated in groups on the portfolio section of the blog below. Just click on the image or title to access the table of contents of that group. Thank you for checking out the posts in real time and in binged review.