Why won’t she submit to me?

One of the most puzzling questions this writer has had to entertain over his journey of life is… “Why won’t my wife submit to me”.

To be clear, many of these men who have posed this question are quick to pull up the biblical instructions about a woman submitting to her husband. Some have brutalized their wives in their feeble attempts to dominate. notice the choice of wording… dominate is not dominant…

To you cowards, you’re no man at all. Just stop trying to be something you’re not. Grow up first. Then, let’s talk.

However, this recommendation needs a bit more explanation. Keep in mind, these same guys who rush to the good book for help will gladly skip over the instructions that qualify a man so that a woman will want to submit. There are 3 verses that focus on having the woman submit compared to the 8 that tells a woman what to look for in a man who is worthy of her submission. (reference only to the most popularly quoted passage, not the entire book)

TO BE CLEAR this is not a bible study post

But…but… she has to submit, right?

No. She does not. No matter what you say. Go check out the movie “When Harry Met Sally” and check out the scene when Sally fakes her orgasm. Trust me, women can easily fake their submission to shut you up. You have no ownership or claim to their will.

Listen very very carefully.

A woman’s submission is her free will gift to the man she deems worthy of her gift.

Hold up. HOLD UP. HOLD UP!!!!! What?!?!

Yes. You read correctly. A woman makes the choice to submit to the man she decides to submit to. No matter how well you’ve set up the social variables that make it extremely difficult for her to live outside a relationship with you, her heart is never yours unless she decides to give it to you.

Doesn’t matter the culture, the religion, the gun point, the threat of death or economic ruin. She still makes the choice.

Now, mind you, some guys live with the luxury of making that choice extra difficult to make. Some places, if a woman doesn’t agree to be married and obedient to said man… her life options are very dismal at best. However, even then, she’s not submitted to that man. She’s just fearfully surviving within arms reach of said man. (not saying some women haven’t made the choice to submit in those very settings either. Many have. But not all. )

Huge difference

So, when a woman does make the decision to submit to her man, she’s trusting the man to make decisions that will make her life better, not worse. That’s what submission really is. That encompasses a lot of territory.

When a woman agrees (western world, she says yes. Other places, family agrees for her) to take on a long term relationship (usually marriage), she’s leaving her world to enter yours. The understanding is that this move will end up being for better not worse. Some are able to verbalize that, others hope the implied understanding is there.

please note… the use of marriage does not preclude relationships that are long term or committed and do not lead to marriage. The principles still apply to those serious relationship, no matter their duration

What does this have to do with BDSM anyway?

There are a lot of guys who think they are Doms. Sadly, they’re just out to do their ego a lot of stroking while leaving a trail of hurt women behind. This is not cool. This is horrible. This is reckless. This is unnecessary.

The notion that one can subjugate another human to do with them as they please with no thought or care about the well being of said person… is insane. That is savagery. That is slavery of the worse kind.