So You Think You Can Dom?

When a man takes on the responsibility of another’s well being, it is a responsibility of the highest order. One has to be willing to go to extremes to make sure the cared person is doing their best. In other words, a Dom is taking on massive amounts of responsibilities with the end goal of leaving the sub better for that trust in the Dom.

Just the same applies for vanilla relationships, just the degree of conversation about this is much less. Too many vanillas are all about the sentiments of love and not about the foundation of trust that allows such love to prosper.

Worse, too many wannabes get into BDSM with power trips in mind instead of the care and nurturing of those who trust them. It’s not about the physical play. It is not about the whips, chains, cuffs, ropes, or toys. That is just the expression of the trust. BDSM is about the depth of trust that exists between two people. From that trust can manifest any number of amazing things. Love being one of those many wonderful things. Toys being another.

Before moving forward, let’s address the original question…

If your lady is not submitting to you, chances are very good that you’re not doing your job as her man. Period. (legal disclaimer… provided that she’s a normal, typical, and sane woman… as some gals aren’t willing or able to submit for many reasons not touched by this blog post… also assuming you are indeed the right man for her)

What is your job? Great question. Here are just a few things that comes with the territory of being a man. When a man’s job is well done, it is in the woman’s best interest to submit to him… more on that in a bit.

Protection is not limited to or about keeping other guys from talking to your lady. It also means making sure you never hurt her and that she feels safe in your arms and free to fully open up to you in complete honesty.

Love is not limited to sex, as some guys think. It means opening up your heart and your vulnerabilities to her so she can love you back. It means filling her tank when she’s low. It means topping off her tank so she never gets low. It means she’s a priority in your life, not one of many competing priorities.

Affection is not about her going down on you. It is about that rich after-care, that loving embrace, the sexy cuddle, that listening ear that isn’t matched by lips that wanna fix. It’s making her feel like a queen because she’s one. It’s keeping her blushing even when you’re not around.

Communication is not limited to just telling her what to do. It’s sharing your thoughts, your feelings, your empathy, sympathy, and the feel of your body yearning for her. When she’s aware that you want her with more than a text message, more than a word, more than just calculated actions, with no expectations in return… then you’ve let her know she’s loved in her language.

Devotion is not limited to just showering her with admiration when you’ve screwed up. It’s investing in her mind, showing her off, caring about what she cares about, listening actively instead of turning up Sport Center. It’s all minor things being done with the same care as the major things. It’s reaching out to her to make her blush just because you forgot to do that twenty minutes before… even though you done it an hour ago.

Love Translations is not about searching on Google for the best or quickest romantic trick. It is learning to understand her way of thinking, her way of feeling, her way of being, her way of existing. It’s being so intimately aware of how she breathes that you know her feelings before she’s aware of having them. It’s that sixth sense of what’s going on within her. Then, it’s translating your thoughts, feelings, hopes, dreams, and ideas into the very language of love that she uses so that minimal to nothing is lost in translation. She then experiences you instead of just hears you. It is work. It is worthwhile work. It takes time. It’s an investment.

The list, of course, is far longer than this, but a blog post can only contain but so many points before it becomes a book. However, this foundational piece will give a little insight into what qualifies a man to be the type a woman happily submits to. Without these, and a few more your lady would be happy to explain to you in her own words, you’re barely making the standard that she’s looking for.

When women find a qualified man, they want to work with him and keep him around. In time, she’ll do her own homework to understand you and become the partner you need. And when all the chips line up right, she’ll submit to you without you asking. (yes, there are some who will resist the word to their dying breath… but their long lasting happy relationship that they fight for with all they got betrays the fact that they’re submitted to that man who they cherish)

The advantage a woman gets from submitting, in short, is that it encourages her man to do more of the very thing she loves about him. In submitting, she’s meeting his needs and giving him fuel to better meet her needs. We can dive deeper into this in another blog post down the line.