To be Dominant

The role of leadership in a relationship comes with the need for noble level accountability and deep appreciation for the responsibility such a trusted role entails. In a vanilla relationship, the equality of the roles is centered around the negotiation of roles. One partner will be good at one thing and the other excel in something else. The two work things out so the relationship moves forward as smoothly as possible.

This also applies in the dark side, dark chocolate, of relationship. Difference can be subtle to great. Trust being the key differentiator. In a trust based relationship, the negotiated terms aren’t just an intellectual or verbal exercise that’s done once in a blue moon. It is the active practice of trust.

Let’s break it down a bit.

The Dominant is responsible for making all the necessary choices and sacrifices needed to ensure the well-being of his submissive. It is not about getting himself off. It is not about him demanding obedience. It is not about him humiliating and hurting his submissive. It is not about imposing his will.

The true Dominant is about understanding her needs first and foremost and providing a safe place for her to be free. Free to be herself. Free to experience love without worry. Free from the chaos and noise of internal demons. Free from the societal pressures of conformity. Free from external constraints.

He will listen. He will empathize. He will sympathize. He will nurture. He will support. He will encourage. He will cheer. Even educate and research to help elevate. His satisfaction is in seeing his lady being her best self.

Many a Dominant have given up their personal comforts and desires in order to ensure the well-being of their submissive. What trips up a lot of people outside the lifestyle, they see handcuffs and assume deprivation. Worse, they fail to see the two way nature of the bond.

They’re only partially right. The restraint might actually be the very thing the particular sub needs to free her mind to focus on the pleasure she’s enjoying… instead of moving about trying to control the experience. If she didn’t need the restraint, the Dom would not have employed it. This is what most people don’t get.

This is why every BDSM relationship looks a bit different from the next. It is custom tailored to the couple. The Dom is making sure that he fine tunes every possible resources to meet the very need of his submissive.

The fake-wannabe-toy-Doms out there do not understand the importance of taking care of the submissive. They see it as a way to play kink. They get their fair share. They get their feel. They get their wants. Then, they drop the sub. What they don’t understand, that drop is usually extremely painful in the emotional, mental, and psychological realm of being. Not that they care about leaving someone shattered and destroyed as they’re off to their next victims.

Worse, these predators only see their gains as a numbers game. The more women they subjugate, the more they assume they’re manly. Nothing could be further from the truth. A professional douche is no man at all.

A man never destroys to gain. A man always seeks to add value in all he does so the world is left a better place. It is when a man adds value to a woman that his value rises to royalty. By empowering his submissive to be her best self, she now has the tools, energy, and resources to invest in her Dom and help him be the best he can be.

In other words, it is in the Dominant’s best interests to behave in the submissive’s best interests. The glorious beauty of bilateral trust at the fullest. I take care of you, you take care of me. Not because anyone is keeping score, but because by doing so, one is taking care of both themselves and the other.

Funny thing about submission…

Women do not need to be told how to love. Society has not beaten that skill out of women. They love to love. Guys are often taught to “man up” or “toughen up” and they start to forget how to love. They eventually become numb and often stupid.

When a woman feels safe, she starts to trust. When a woman trusts, she starts to love. When she loves, she gives it her all. Funny how that is exactly what her submission is all about. Giving her all so that her man is his best.

No one has to teach a woman how to do this if she’s not badly damaged and unable to do this. We don’t have to demand submission. We have to create the fertile ground that is safe and secure so that she can blossom her submission.

This truth is why a lot of fake dominants and predators go after young impressionable women. They’ve not had the time to be damaged by other jerks. They naturally will want to trust and want to love… ie submit. These cowards destroy these women with no regards to Karma. They also destroy wonderful hearts that would have made a qualified Dom happy.

By the way, as women grow in strength, their ability to discern sharpens. They self-advocate more. They work with other queens and collaborate to uplift each other. They have less need for weak men… or men in general. However, when they find a worthy man to accept as their king, they have the life experience to treat him that much better. They often work more closely in better equality to nurture a stronger relationship. Fake doms can not stand self-advocating strong women, because their bs stinks and is not tolerated.

What do you mean by qualified Dom?

A real man is identified by his ethics over time. A man who is worthy, over time will be discovered to be worthy. He need not announce his worthiness. He acts as a gentleman in all dealings and all situations. That is why those men are highly sought after and once discovered, jealously kept!

Please, if you find yourself ever searching for a relationship to have someone take care of you, know that you’re not only not ready for love… you’re not worthy of anyone submitting to you. (can’t think of any good example in which a man needs to get a woman for the main purpose of being taken care of)

In simple English. Grown men know how to take care of themselves and can take care of someone else. Women do not need to emotionally babysit anyone. The only babysitting anyone should be doing is for their children and later in life, their elderly parents. NEVER A LOVER/PARTNER. By definition, a partner is able carry the load in your place. How else do you thing homes/relationships/families make it when one person is deployed in war… or takes a job out of town??

Ladies, don’t fall for the pickup lines. Not the cheesy stupid ones in the street. Nor the clever ones that make your heart flutter. Don’t fall for it. Look for evidence to support the claim before you agree to sign on the line of the claimer