This week, for reasons that escape me, the mind wondered towards the concepts of wedding vows. How those are precious and sacred yet are being devalued in society today.

Instead of making a pitch for them, as they’ve stood the test of time, taking a little detour to dive into the implications of vows in the context of BDSM.

For starters, my journey has taught me that many BDSM relationships do not bother addressing the central role of vows. Instead, they’re more focused on building the necessary trust required for a BDSM relationship to even exist. Given my limited exposure to this research… it is possible to have totally missed certain virtues… however… this does not take away from the thought process laid in prose.

While this writer is of the mindset that vows are very important and gives a framework for more consistent kinky play… there is a bit of a difference in how vows work and how those same vows differ from the trust bond that lives in non-vanilla relationships.

before proceeding… a quick word

The Story Behind Pink series will resume soon enough… thank you so much for supporting my quest to write a compelling story for your reading pleasure

now… back to this post

More than just vows

When two people agree to get on the the road of joint-tax-filing status, the legal aspect of their relationship changed. When those two people go to the courthouse to be registered, they’ve made the legal aspect concrete and public record.

When two people go to their religious leader for a blessing, they’ve added a spiritual component to their relationship that was not there before. Not because the pronouncement made a change, but the choice to have such a pronouncement is the change. It’s a mindset and spiritual-set shift. You’re acknowledging publicly that you’re taking your promise extremely seriously.

this does not touch those who prefer to lie to get whatever edge they want some folks go through the trouble of marriage for reasons that has nothing to do with marriage… hence the choice to call it a lie.

This public proclamation is a form of social contract that allows the community to be on standby to help support the success of this new union… in principle that is. The emphasis being on standby not throwing unsolicited advice.

Most vanilla relationships that transition to marital status at a young age are aware that there is more than just feelings involved, even though feelings can take a larger share of the understanding. Folks who make such a transition at a more mature phase of their life (not necessarily older age)… understand that there is way more that needs to be present before love can really blossom.

Feelings, those lovely fleeting things, change over time. If one does not build up more to fall back on, then, they might as well kick some concrete instead of getting more intimate.

Vows imply that there is a long lasting effect. A promise to keep the relationship alive until there is no life left to keep things going. We all know that reality has strayed greatly from the standard.

What of this thing called trust?

When moving forward into levels of intimacy at a far more vulnerable intimate trust based level… love often is not the first building block. Trust is. Without it, love may not even have a chance to build.

In fact, some have told me that it is possible to have a deeply intimate connection built on trust that meets needs without having the presence of love. While that makes intellectual sense… will not dive into the academics of this for the sake of brevity. (and not exposing my lack of experience with this style of bonding)

Trust is the very foundation of deeply intimate relationships. Trust has to be pure. Has to be the lubricant. Has to be the vessel and the conduit. It is the most critical component that allows all the other pieces to work.

Trust that honesty is given, received, expected, demanded.

Trust that authenticity is validated, reciprocated, and translated between both parties fully.

Trust that feelings will not get in the way of clear judgment, reprimand, admonishment, uplift-ment, and sanctioned love steeped in support.

Trust that faith will grow, guide, lead, and complete. While Trust will heal, deliver, empower, and exonerate.

Without trust, even communication is not complete let alone effective.

This implies that maturity is sound enough to understand the concept of trust and respect it’s exacting will and honor.

This is not for the faint of heart. Betrayal of trust is for more damaging than betrayal of love. Some can easily write off love as being a fleeting emotion that made someone do something stupid. But trust. No. Broken trust damages the very fabric of humanity one uses to live within community.

Broken trust slays the consciousness and demoralizes the ability to see clearly the humanity within, let alone in others. Breaking the bond of trust has debilitating consequences in the physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual realms. It’s more than a broken heart. More than a broken mind. It’s a destroyed soul.

Now… it is possible to recover and rebuild from such devastation… but not everyone knows how to… or can afford to. Once trust is violated… the very construct has been genetically mutated. Only superhuman efforts can piece back a new type of trust… because the prior one is eternally shattered. (nearly everyone is endowed with such superhuman capabilities… trust can be rebuilt… confidence is the second piece required for the rebuild)

More trust for the vows

This was supposed to be a short blog post… however… there is so much more to be said. This will take many more posts to cover. For today, just know that vows have trust as their foundation. If your relationship missed that fine print, it’s never too late to add trust into your relationship as a foundational element. For those who dabble in the shallows of deep… or swim freely in the deep… keep your trust quotient very high so you’re not left out in the cold drowning in sorrow.

For now, linked below… is the musings that sparked this blog post… “Dearly Beloved” takes a look at the trust aspect that’s missing in modern day vows… but is plainly written in the text… even though devoid from most of the words slipped from eager hungry lust soaked lips.

I’d love to read your thoughts and see your likes. Thank you for reading. Thank you for encouraging. More episodic posts to return later… so stay tuned

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Dearly Beloved – click on the image/link below for the full poetry infused musings