After much back and forth, the good news finally was heard. Eddie was getting Elsie to open up in bed. They were finally going to get their freak on.

However, the green light came with a lot of hesitation. Eddie was annoyed to have to sit through and endure all these disclaimers and qualifiers.

Soon as he had hastily agreed to everything and promised to be gentle, Eddie got busy quick and fast. It was not long before he was laying on his back with the biggest smile ever.

But then, all that changed. There was sobbing next to him. Eddie looked to see Elsie pulling herself out of bed and walking out of the bedroom. He tried to call out and even gave chase. The damage was done. The relationship did not last very long after that night. The hefty cost would only be known over the weeks as the breakup took it’s toll.

A little restraint…

The first time a friend opened up to me and explained the cost they had borne from a man being too hasty, I was hard pressed to understand. Why would one rush so eagerly to the point of creating intense pain and suffering?

Yet, many men have the wrong idea that one has to be rough, quick, and intense to deliver a great experience. Sure, boys have not learned the art of self control. That’s something they have to learn on their own time. (On their own does not mean without guidance)

I’ve seen many tears shed at the hands of wives who trusted their husband to care for them only to uncover that the men only cared about their needs.

Needless tears.

Needless pain.

And the society tends to blame the woman and say it’s her fault. It is not.

Fellas, sometimes the best way to go fast is to slow down. Like seriously take your time. Use a bit of self-restraint.

This is never more evident when talking about the use of restraints. The use of pain. The use of control. The use of imposed will. Patience is the ultimate virtue.

Restraint Goes a Long Way

There is the story of Tom and Terry. That almost had the chance of going the same route as Eddie and Elsie. Difference was that Tom asked a lot of questions. Tom made sure he understood what Terry was thinking, anticipating, and worried about. He made sure all the safe words were in place. He even tested the cuffs on himself and offered to allow Terry to whip him with the crop so he could understand what her skin was about to experience.

In thoroughly understanding what Terry was going to experience, Tom had a personal understanding of what he was asking Terry to endure and also an understanding of her tolerance.

It was time consuming. But the preliminary work is never that sexy. It’s work. It’s loving work.

As Terry saw the dedication and compassion in Tom’s effort, her anxiety about getting hurt melted away. She knew that Tom not only cared but was more concerned with her well being than his exhilaration in the moment of passion.

The initial several sessions were exploratory sessions where they were learning techniques and limits. Sure, Tom could have rushed a bit, but he took his time. He uncovered and discovered and recovered on Terry’s terms.

One day, Terry asked Tom to go a harder. Wield the crop harder, land the blows with greater strength. Tom moved at Terry’s pace. He paid close attention. He discovered that Terry could take way more. With her blessings, he pushed the boundaries incrementally.

They found their comfort zone. It was glorious. All the work had paid off. Tears of joy not regret flowed. They found their release together. It was no longer about the spanking but more about the release that came from full trust.

Some time later, as they discussed their experience, they agreed that the tender care that happened after the spanking, the close cuddling, the soft spoken words of assurance and love, mixed with the deep passionate love making is what made the experience that much more intense and allowed much needed healing that had never been spoken on before.

As Tom and Eddie compared notes, it became super clear to Tom that putting the needs of his lady first allowed him to slow down and do things right and opened up a whole new dimension of kink because the trust was upheld.

With Terry more comfortable with how Tom gave her freedom through physical restraints, her heart was free to love on a deeper level than before. Tom confessed that this deepened love… fueled a lot of growth and healing in his heart that he didn’t realize he needed. He found his safe haven in the arms of Terry. Now, he was willing to take a bullet for her instead of just bragging about doing so to sound cool. Tom was willing to move the whole world because his soul was being fed by Terry

Wolf Wednesday

Do not be like Eddie and take your needs and take your desires. Eddie shed many tears and burned a lot of resources trying to get Elsie back. However. She never came back. She was broken. Her trust violated. Her fears validated. Her mind tortured with agony of confusion wondering what she had done so wrong to be so mistreated. It would take time to recover.

Instead, be like Tom. Take your time. A little restraint goes a long way. By taking your time to understand, you create the framework of trust that can be depended on. You make less mistakes. When all is said and done, you win. Tom won. He got what he wanted. He wanted kink in his life. He got kink in his life. Terry was worried and found out she had nothing to worry about. She was comfortable and found security that deepened her comfort. She found a safe place to be free and be her full self.

When entrusted to lead a wolf pack, it pays to be restrained, thought-out, and meticulous. In the end, everyone wins. Keep in mind, most alpha males end up wanting an alpha female. That means she’s more than capable of being “all good” on her own. Do right by her and she will let you handle her being “all good”. If not, she will go her separate way.

When making the transition into deep intimacy, don’t rush. Take your time and do it correctly. Listen. Learn. Test. Ask. Then move forward. Rinse and repeat. This is even more important when kinky play comes into the mix of intimacy. It is way more than the relationship at stake at that point in time. It’s the souls of two that hangs in the balance right along with their psychological and emotional wellbeing.

A wise man takes his time to learn his wise lady’s ways so that the union is stronger than ever with each encounter.

For those, in the future, who will want to binge on older Wolf Wednesday posts, they will be aggregated in groups on the portfolio section of the blog below. Just click on the image or title to access the table of contents of that group. Thank you for checking out the posts in real time and in binged review.