Everyone who falls in love will face the harsh reality that pain is going to show up. It’s not a question of if. It’s a question of when. Because, this determines a whole lot. Will the relationship move on along or will it get hobbled and crumble.

Of course, there are a myriad of nuances that cover both sides of the spectrum. Some people swear by the adage… if it doesn’t break you… it makes you stronger.

Well… I’ll let you be the judge of that. For this blog, some pains are avoidable. Too much accumulated pain can lead to serious damages.

In a relationship, pain can not be avoided. That’s just the way love goes. One can only manage the frequency and intensity of the pain.

Mini Darkened Series

There are many instances in which a man has no clue of the suffering a woman endures on his behalf. In fact, when women finally tell their men of their quiet hurt, the men are very surprised and taken back by the findings.

We don’t plan to hurt our women. (the good ones in our midst anyway). We try our best to create a pleasurable experience for the woman we love. To hear that we’ve caused harm, hurts.

Quick Example

Many men take for granted that women will appear a given way… as in all dolled up… like it’s the most natural and effortless thing to do. We never think that waxing, plucking, waist training, high heels, and other practices are very painful. Part of it is because women do it without showing any pain and or suffering from the process.

However, some guys understand and won’t pressure their women. Most guys, not that they’re mean, just don’t get it.

Let’s dive even further… many men come to the realization, sadly much later in life, that a woman’s reproductive system is very sensitive. One needs to be sure their hands are clean before inserting a finger. One can’t just pop out of anal and dive into vaginal. This creates serious health risks for the woman and a lot of needless pain. Not minimizing the unnecessary pain of rough sex (even regular sex) without proper warming up, lubrication, stimulation, relaxation, etc.

The pain women silently bear

While society keeps on catering to the satisfaction of men, we have to be more aware as gentlemen that our existence causes women to pay a price. We can’t keep taking that price for granted.

We act as if we don’t care… but we do. However, that very act is causing many women emotional harm. It’s not that she must check on your whereabouts, but your lack of understanding about her sense of security causes her to feel the need to check up on you. This could have been avoided if only we took time to communicate more and held ourselves accountable.

While many men take a while to grow up and learn to connect emotionally, society does not push these men to learn the skill at a younger age, like women have for centuries. Yet, it’s the women who pay the price.

Fake Doms roam the web and prey on women. Leaving a trail of broken hearts for sport. Then, these women have to figure how to pick themselves back up and be whole again on their own. It’s no wonder many are fed up with the male specie.

While one can continue to expand on the thought, as there is a lot to be said, this post was not originally designed to address the many ways men have let women down.

However, before we can get to the point of this blog post, it is crucial to frame it with the understanding that men can do better, need to do better, and some are doing better.

The man’s side of this…

Often, men are told to suck things up. We’re told not to react to any pain we feel. We get so good that we deny our women the very access that makes them want to stay with us.

However, today, we’re going to touch something many don’t want to hear in this modern era. Women do cause men pain.

Can’t compare the two types of pain, as apples and oranges are not easy to compare. Pain is hurtful, no matter how you slice it.

The tools of pain will differ from person to person much like it does from male to female. But despite the nature of the tool, the end result is the same. Hurt. Pain. Suffering.

In a relationship, when pain is used as a tool, it can become extremely corrosive. Not because there is no need for such a tool, but because it’s a blunt instrument that causes a lot of damage if it’s not used right.

Some times, a woman needs to make a point to a man who is not hearing her. She may use one of her tools to get his attention. That is one thing. But, if he’s paying attention and that tool is used indiscriminately, damages adds up. Unlike the stereotype that women will express themselves when hurt, many men aren’t sure how to express their hurt in a measured way.

This is not to excuse men. Men are capable of learning how to respond in a measured way and this blog highly encourage men to learn that skill.

What happens when a man doesn’t respond in a measured way is a cycle of hurt that often escalates to any number of violences. (verbal, emotional, financial, mental, psychological, and physical)

Maturity calls for patience, kindness, and restraint when dealing with situations that are painful. No matter how mature the response, there is still an emotional current that needs to be address.

What is a lover to do… when pain flows through the veins

Most people understand the value of taking a moment to pause, gain clarity, use insight, and re-frame the situation. That’s all fair and good.

But here is an interesting twist. What happens when the man does something he swears is a good thing… does it with full positive intentions… with all of his heart… expecting his lady to blush… only to find out he hurt her and she snaps at him to straighten him out…?

What happens when there is no explanation to the lashing out? When a woman feels the needs to chastise her man, but won’t explain the cause or trigger of such an action? What happens when the woman swears she’s in the right, her man is wrong, is clear that he should know better, and that he deserves her action?

Yeah… that very moment when darkness falls… that moment when two don’t understand each other… and pain starts to flow and cloud the emotions. Yes, that very instant where a man feels cut down to size, a woman feels vindicated, and the two aren’t on the same page any more.

This is where this mini series will go… that very moment when pain is inflicted in the midst of unexplained confusion, where both parties are unsure of the misunderstanding. That… very point…

Mini Darkened Series

This little (month long) series will follow a relationship that is otherwise going very well and peak into one small aspect of the many currents of emotions that flow when hurt explodes.

The process of seeking understanding was very emotional to explore. Had to picture the ideas from a woman’s point of view and from a man’s point of view. For the simplicity of the series, the attention rested more on the one most familiar to me… a man’s perspective.

How does a man show he cares when his heart is hurt and he does not want his lady to know he’s hurt. Yet, the pain is so deep, all he sees is darkness.

Do follow the series… because the moment darkness does fall… you’d not want to get lost. Finding your way back to light, without stepping backwards, may not be easy.

However, to make things more navigable, there will be a link at the very bottom of this post to help you navigate along in real time. For those coming later to binge read, the links will all work just as well.

Most of this trip is in a poetic form. Learning a new writing style.

Enjoy.

Do let me know what you think (here or on social). I greatly appreciate that. As well as a click of the like button lol

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The Darkened Vaulted Revelations

Below will be the list of poems. Do click on the titles or images to gain access to the whole post. The preview will not spoil the actual poem. May not even tease it out fully. Thanks again for reading this project.