Dark Questions

How could she not know how much she means to him?
The compliments, the stories, the attention, the glory…

How could she not understand that she was his elixir?
It was not temporary, transitory, or momentary either.

How can she resist doing the things he likes?
A case of misunderstanding or self-determined control…

How could something so simple be so frustratingly hard?
The keys to the kingdom was of no interest to her…

Did he stutter, or was he asking too much?
Her autonomy was more important to her than his sexual gratification…

Sure, happy wife means happy life… but what about happy husband?
Why wouldn’t he be happy if she’s happy… makes no sense to her…

Was he asking for too much… just a little sensuality here and there?
Why could he not understand the complexities of life pulling at her attention…

What if he dared look elsewhere for explanation?
She called it emotional infidelity that he’d dare ask another woman these questions…

What is a man to do when he craves for his woman’s love and she’s not able to give love?
She called it immaturity and lack of emotional discipline… his eyes wide open and speechless…

How come it was fine in the early days and now it’s such a big deal?
Times have changed, she said, it was time to act like grown ups for a change…

Why did God give him such desires for his lady if those feelings would not be met?
What does God have to do with this, she wondered, as his needs encroached on her freedom…

What more had he had to give up… spankings, ropes, gags, paddles, butt plugs, blindfolds… what else?
She wondered why he needed all these toys when she was supposed to be more than enough…

What more pain did he have to endure before she explained why she was punishing him?
She, perplexed, questioned his selfishness… what of my needs to be romanced… she countered…

Why can’t he be romantic when feeling dauntedly hurt by the lack of met desires?
Good question she wondered… why must his needs come first?

Could he dig deep enough and bury his feelings far enough away to focus on her needs and only her needs?
That would be a great place to start, but keep your good needs close by… she advised.

What are good needs? What are bad needs? How do you separate them? Should you separate them?
Do you want to keep me, she asked… for the bad needs are keeping me from providing for your needs… she informed.

Whatever did this all mean?
The sooner you find out, she mocked, the happier you’d become

The cave called back to him. The resurrection was not easy or complete. Something was still missing… but what?
Good question

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Dark Questions

Rejection causes more than just emotional pain. It brings about a ton of questions, many of which center around the concept of self-worth. With men’s smaller emotional dictionary, expressing such pain can be very frustrating. The lack of names for our feelings does not mean we don’t feel. However, it hampers our abilities to verbalize what we feel. Yet our mind is filled with questions that may not get answered.

The Darkened Vaulted Revelations

We rarely admit to ourselves, let alone to you, that your words mean a lot to us. We stake a lot of our own identity in what you say about us. So, when we’re rejected and tossed flagrantly to the side, to us… it’s a signal that we’re worth less than we thought.

Sure, we can put on the brave act. Often times, we delude ourselves into thinking we’re above harm. The mouth may sound brave and the face may look defiant, but the heart is every bit as sensitive as yours. We feel everything like you do. Difference is, we don’t always know what to label our feelings. They come fast and furious and the torrent can spin our compasses.

The flippant toss of our feelings not only reflects a lot about how much you do care… but reflects back on us about our ability to identify someone who can lovingly care. To be so rudely tossed by the wayside makes us question our very ability to identify a safe haven in the heart of any woman.

Worse, we question if we had the right to ask for such intimacy to begin with. Maybe it was not what we thought it was meant to be. How did we get the assessment so wrong? What did we overlook in our hunt for you?

The longer we sit in the vault, the louder the questions ring. Most of us are able to pull out of the death spiral that threaten our sense of belonging to you. However, we’re watching carefully all that you do. The sudden obliteration of our hearts means we need to be extra careful around you until we understand what set this purgatory into motion.

Now primed to be weary, we wait for the moment when it’s safe to return. Hoping. Praying. Wondering if things will go back to the way they were before.

Not one to sing Boys 2 Men on bended knees, we ask what did we do to deserve being caged in a vault hiding our heart from the very one we love. The harmonious voices of the demons in our heads singing the counter tune letting us know that women are treacherous and can’t be trusted. We have to remain solid stoic lone wolves. But we know better. We understand being social creatures. We want you. We need you. We desire to be with you. Yet, you seem to want nothing to do with us.

All these questions. No answers. Things lost in translation over the Vault’s secure firewall.