Dark Pain

Do you know… where it hurts? You know… when I’m hurting from desiring you?

No? You’re not familiar with the areas of hurt? Well, let me share with you a few places… those that rumble the most.

See, there is this spot, called the heart, that has trouble beating whenever the need arises to have you by my side.
Which, interestingly enough, is all the time. But… that’s another story in and of itself.

That spot, the heart, struggles to pump blood, whenever I think of you and can’t have you.
Sure, I won’t drop dead, but it’s highly annoying to feel like a rock is stuck in my aorta.

But worse is when the heart slows.
Yes, that does happen, and it is a light-headed-ness that is sickening.

But the world feels instantly cold.
A nagging feeling of imminent Armageddon

All because I’m missing you… and can’t channel it to you in the moment.
Even though you think I’m an immature sick puppy for feeling this way after so many years.

It weakens the knees with arthritic like symptoms as vertigo threatens to destabilize my resolve
Yet, you think I’m making this all up

The weight of the world sags my shoulders as I wonder how many more boulders I have to lift to impress
Because, you’re so good at living without me I wonder if I’m even relevant in your stronghold

Silly… you say? But these are the symptoms of a man wanting to savor and devour his lady
Her scent filling his nostrils with hope and enriching his lungs so they absorb oxygen better

It’s the dagger that stabs below the belt-line
As I struggle to fight an erection from just laying eyes on you but not being able to hold you

The blue pain of wanting to fill you with passion,
but knowing the dishes are far more important than a hug

You claim you need me, but your fierce independence racks up evidence betraying your lips
You easily make your own decisions and expect me to follow

When I’m designed to provide and lift you up so you don’t have to toil and perspire
If you only understood how I yearn to make your burden light, giving you reason to smile at night

It’s such a heavy sorrow that bends my brow into deep furrows as I am dimmed by sagging lids
The darkness clouding the path of my soul to reach yours… whispering “you’re mine”

The spasm in my back… from the lashes of life… threating to rob me of time with you
Despite my best effort to keep a stiff upper lip, I experience the delicious frisson thinking of your kiss

Do you know where it hurts? You know… that place when my soul and spirit and mind and heart crack from missing your sweet honey? That place where only your finger tips can reach… sliding against my flesh… inviting me closer to your erect nipples.

I don’t think you understand. Because I keep my feelings in a vault so the world can’t snatch away what is yours. It’s my duty to protect your gems. Even though, when I offer them, you just dismiss with a flick of the eye and return to your cellphone.

I can’t compete with the blue light from that smart device.
I can’t match the entertainment you can so easily get.
But, don’t you know how much it hurts, to see you smiling so beautifully… knowing I didn’t create that for you?

I can’t compete with the friendly chats of girlfriends who share their woes and sadness about men who are weak and fail them constantly.
I can’t compete with the commiserations you indulge in when you compare all men to the losers your girlfriend knows and prefer to relate with… because they doubt their deserving of real chivalry
But, don’t you know how much it hurts, to see you… unaware that I’m hungering and starving for your affection…

Come back to me. My balm. My soothing heat. Bring back your light. Ignite. Entice. Very precise
Come back to your love. I’ve kept it from all above, below, around. For it’s only yours.

You’ll never know the cricks and cracks that destroys my neck as I swivel my head to the sway of your hips…
Knowing that is as good as it going to get, because adulting gets in the way… leaving me licking my lips…

It’s dark. It’s painful. It’s my prison. It’s the vault that I have to stay in.
Because I can’t give my love to any other than you

So. I wait. In pain. Until the moment you’re tired of running. And you let me catch you. Show you. Uphold you.
I patiently stalk. Quietly follow. Pursuing real low. Even if my belly grows famished anticipating your glow

Until that moment you’re ready to be caught
Darkness falls like a proud cape over my back… until I can taste your nape and watch your eyes roll

The pain keeps me from sleeping and getting complacent. I can’t leave you to get too far away
Until you realize, it’s OK to have me in my need of you… pain is my company so dark does not prevail

I will continue to shadow you… until you realize your greatest strength is made manifest when our souls are united
So close only the thinnest of razors can struggle to slip slightly between us.

I will continue to chase… for I know no other way
You’re the only solution to the pain that keeps me in the dark

Only when I finally catch you and make you mine will you see the light that can come from within
Only when you’re in my arms can you feel how brightly I burn for you…

Until then, my goosebumps are like fire itching to erupt
As I wait. Close by. Real low. Chasing slowly

Eyes undressing you… the dress rehearsal…
I’ll wait… until you’re ready to be caught

Only then… will this dark ache of pain… will fade into oblivion…
The fusion heat of united souls finally shining brightly…

Come to me… break the pain… convert the darkness… only as you know best
I’m here… waiting… waiting… until you see me

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Dark Pain

Sometimes, when a man is wounded, he sits back and watch. But then, a weird perversion of jealousy takes hold as he sees his lady enjoying herself without him. That device, as smart as it may be, creates a divide. She’s connected to the world yet disconnected to her lover. The pain that wells up as she moves about carefree… agitates his lust that he can’t control and keep tamed. He needs her. Even though he’s certain she doesn’t need him the same way.