When speaking in tongues, everyone needs to understand the core message in order for progress to be made. Definitions play a crucial role in clarity of a message.

This bonus post will review the terms being used in this series and what stereotypes are being used. This will help limit the times a caveat about gender roles is mentioned in this series.

Defining the Roles

This blog uses a lot of traditional roles for the simplicity of sharing stories. This is not done to marginalize anyone. People identify with different roles based on a number of factors that exceed the scope of this site.

Dom aka Dominant

The Dom is a role, a set of characteristics. Due to historical and cultural momentum, this blog tends to attribute a male gender to this role.

However, this does not mean that the role is masculine. It just has a lot of masculine characteristics in many references. However, in practice, the role is not masculine or feminine.

The dominant is the person who shoulders the responsibility of caring for the submissive. They exert the appearance of power. They wield the responsibility of the choices being made.

What are some of the roles and characteristics of the Dom?

There’s leadership – paving a way for the sub to grow as a person.

There’s mentoring – they take on new information and present it to the sub in a manner most suitable for the sub to digest.

The most common, but sadly easily overlooked, is the protector/provider role. This role isn’t about doing what a sub can’t do, although that can be a part of it, it’s about doing so in order to alleviate the need for the sub to do the provisioning and protecting.

For many, they take the provider part as being a financial responsibility to treat the sub well. It’s well beyond that. It means providing security, assurance, peace, safety, challenge, boundaries, limits, inspiration, and a lot more.

A smart Dom will listen more than speak, will remain calm more than overreact.

The Dom must have self-dominance in place first and foremost. They have to be proactive instead of reactive. They have to be logical in highly emotional situations as well as be emotionally intuitive in logical settings.

They’re the bedrock of stability.

Shiny Armor

What the world sees is the appearance of stoic bravery. The appearance of stern and hard. It’s the armor that many see, but not the soft insides the sub sees, wants, and needs.

It’s the side that rejects the advances of other potential mates. It’s the chivalry that holds the highest code of honor and work ethic.

The appearance of masculinity is the shiny armor society expects from males. That’s why they say “man up” whenever a male acts out of character.

Remember, it’s the appearance of macho tough that is the shiny armor. The real armor isn’t always so shiny simply because it’s battle tested.

The real armor is the character that builds the dominant. The respect, the standard of living, the principles that builds reliable predictable consistent behaviors a sub can rely on.

When a woman is dominant

Let’s be frank, we know far more dominant women than we give credit for. That strictest grandma that runs the family with iron will or that boss who executes impressive leadership from her CEO seat.

Women are very skilled and very capable dominants. They understand the role very well and can shift emphasis at will. They can be compassionate just as much as they can be rigid-hard.

In many relationships, the woman is the dominant. She leads. She does the hard work of understanding her man and elevating him to his fullest potential.

Difference often comes in what the public sees. These women have the option of sporting their dominance in broad daylight or reserving the appearance of submissiveness.

When such a woman reserves the appearance of submissiveness, it’s her choice and her preference for her own motives. One can only assume, at the risk of being foolish, the appearance of submissiveness is for the benefit of her man and his ego.

A submissive man must be keen on honoring a woman’s choice to reserve the appearance of submissiveness in public. He would be wise to show his appreciations in a manner most dignified of her strength and kindness.