The First Chapter of these Revelations – the Sub Defines the Dom
The limits of trust are defined by the woman who agrees to play in the Shallows of Deep. She sets the tone. She sets the boundaries. She sets the playground.
By virtue of all that power, she in fact defines the Dom in the relationship. She determines how much of his nature she’ll allow to come through and play with her nature.
Please Note: This is a pairing of equals. No one is superior to the other. Two equally grown adults consent to share a unique experience together. One exhibiting dominance the other submissiveness. Each specializing in their aspect of trust in the bond they’re building.
As Trust is established…
The dominant approaches the submissive and asks permission to share in the creation of a bond. The way trust is earned is through consistent transparent actions. Over the course of time, trust is built and the defense mechanisms are lowered.
This is where it’s critical the man/dominant understands the intensity of the trust being entrusted to them. The sub is counting on your ability to cater to their needs even at the expense of yours.
Let’s use examples to show how this works
For some couples, the trust part of BDSM is limited to the bedroom. They play with toys, they dress up, the have a lot of fun. It’s more complex than the watered-down versions one see in media, of course. Nevertheless, the play remains in the bedroom.
Other couples, the trust extends to many other aspects of their lives. The dominant takes the lead and takes the risks for the relationship. Some thrive on public visibility while others are really good at hiding in plain sight.
The determination of how the relationship gets defined is build on a keen discussion between both parties. The dominant is asking questions to understand the needs of the submissive. The sub is laying down the framework of where they’re at in life and their expectations.
The understanding is that the dominant will lead, guide, and nurture the sub to the limits that are comfortable for them. It’s a very powerful exchange of intense energy. It’s deeper than love and far more significant than romance. It’s based on trust at the deepest levels.
Of course, the sub isn’t obligated to play at any levels. She can say no at any time and a dominant will automatically comply. That’s why safe-words are important. That’s why it’s critical to understand the limits before engaging in play.
Wannabes don’t get this and often cause extreme harm and massive devastation.
Listening is life giving
The dominant takes on the role of caring for the wellness of the sub. No matter how shallow or deep the trust relationship is, the power exchange is always about the trust of being taken care of without worry of harm.
The dominant is always paying close attention. Always verifying trust. Always providing safe secure spaces for the sub to flourish.
Don’t worry, in future posts, we’ll discuss the roles of a sub and what they bring to the table. In this revelation, the man who understands his role is able to unlock massive benefits to the relationship, his lady, and himself when he learns to listen before acting.
In a properly organized relationship, the man isn’t’ worried about declaring his prowess. His sub happily lets him know how much she appreciates his dominance. That’s the real power behind submission, the acknowledgment of dominance.
Let that sink in a second.
The more an alpha male listens to his sub, the more she rises to her alpha nature. The more she rises, the stronger she is, the more she’s able to submit, the more he’s able to lead in dominance.
Submission requires epic strength
The stronger a woman is, the easier it is for her to submit.
Why?
Because a strong woman knows herself better than a weak woman knows herself. She knows her limits, won’t let them get crossed, is able to withdraw her submission if necessary, and walk away from any destructive male influence she rejects.
A weak woman can’t do all of that and often are victims of malice from males energized by predatory inclinations.
This doesn’t mean that a woman who falls victim to a predator is a weak woman.
No. Not at all.
A strong woman is able to recognize she’s being hunted and is able to get out of her situation, even if it takes a while to extricate herself. Or, if she opts to stay put, she’s got the means to control her situation to minimize her losses.
That is epic strength. A quality society doesn’t value nearly enough. A characteristic that some men discover later in life. This post wants to help folks realize this earlier in one’s journey.
A sub defines a Dom
If a sub does not agree to submit to a Dom, is he still a Dom?
Her submission allows his dominance to surface and play. Without submission, his dominance has no consensual partner to play with.
With this as context, it’s safe to say a sub defines a Dom.
A man, a gentleman, can have dominant characteristics. However, he’s got no ownership in the dance of BDSM without a consenting partner. So, the play of words revolves around consent.
The play is not play without the consent of both parties. The consent can be revoked at any time and an explanation doesn’t have to be given either.
The extent of play is the domain of the sub. She agrees to play. He offers new grounds for play. The discovery of new limits is partially his duty.
In politically correct terms, the Dom brings awareness to the sub, the sub signs off on it and the play gets better. The genders affixed aren’t static.
In one relationship, the woman can be the dominant. In another relationship, that same woman is the sub. The same can be said of the man as well.
This is not to be confuses with switching within a relationship. Dom vs Sub is just a nomenclature to define the nature of play inside of trust.
this reminds me, there’s got to be a few bonus posts defining all these terms
As today’s revelations come to a close, the topic has not been exhausted at all. It’s a far longer topic, but the length imposes an end.
Will we continue this discussion next time? Or will we move on to the next topic? You’ve got to stay tuned to find out. Look forward to your thoughts in the comments below (or social media)
Below will be a list of the revelations as they become available.
The Chapters of the Revelations
For ease of navigation, here is a set of links to the series in this Wolf Pack – The Revelations
The Main Posts
Bonus Revelations
These extras that either add value or clarify referenced ideas in the main post. Partly to keep things from being excessively long, and also to address questions that may come up in social media or in the comments section of the blog.
The Social Posts
Some of us aren’t following the social channels, and that’s perfectly fine. Here’s a list of the “epic” posts from the various social channels as they were curated on the blog. They’re designed to go along with the series… kinda like a bonus
For those who want a glimpse of the other series related to the Wolf Pack, here’s a random sampling of posts for your reading pleasure. Thanks for stopping by and enjoying this content. Feel free to leave me a comment below with your thoughts.
Making a List - What do women want?
What do men want?
Do guys really know what they want? Do they really know what women want?
Find out...because the answer is not limited to sex.
Bringing Back the Wolf Pack - To kick off the new year, it's time to bring back the Wolf Pack at full song
Diving into a lot of topics this year.... is the plan
Wishing you all a magnificient new year!!!
Wolves... engage beast mode!
Four Skills Every Dom Must Master - A discussion: The fundamental skills every Dom needs to master.
Thankfully, these are skills any man can learn
Bonus: Traits Every Dom should master - The good people of the internet filled in their list of traits every Dom needs
With these, a sub will feel comfortable gifting her submission.
Bonus content
With the goal of becoming a Dom… - The choices we make impact many. Leveling up is the only way to ensure we care for ourselves and those who depend on us
Some say..being a Dom is a choice. Others say it’s a birthright. Whatever your view, we each can be better
Let’s shape the future by being better. Our subs will thank us for it 
Addressing the fragile male ego for Wolf Wednesday Q&A - Why do men have egos?
Why are these egos fragile?
Should men get rid of their egos?
Wolf Wednesday looks into the shallows of the depths of an ego... and gives some answers.
Dive right on in.
How do I get my lady to submit: Wolf Wednesday Q&A - Some assume it's a right to have their lady submit.
Others demand, even order it.
But is this really how it works? Forcing a lady to submit to you?
Let's look at how to get this right... every time. Wolf Pack, engage beast mode!
Wolf Wednesday – Introducing the Revelations - Introducing the latest edition of Wolf Wednesday to the Wolf Pack. The 4th chapter: Revelations
Taking a closer look at some of the understandings in a wolf pack
Inspiration to be the best alpha in the pack
The First Revelations Chapter 1 Verse 1 - A man can boast of his skills all he wants, but without a partner to play, where's the proof?
In trust based relationships, the person holding all the power is the one who says "yes" or "no" to the desires one wants.
She defines what is allowed and he carries out these wishes.
The first revelation, her definitions creates his reality
Shallows of the Deep 