Before we dive into today’s post… photo credit due to the ever lovely and gracious ShoeJunkie of IG who has allowed me to use her photos as inspiration and decoration for this blog.

The holidays has me a bit tied up with off-line life… so… the rate of story telling will drop off a bit until I can devote more time to writing the stories you love. For now do enjoy a bit of something different.

The Road of “Try”…

Many relationships run into a bit of a problem at some point. The road gets a bit rough or a bit long or a bit hard. The partners seem to shift focus to the task of being an adult instead of lovers. Things start to go from “well planned” to “I try”.

The slippery slope where effort is not well matched with rewards that has many wondering if the romance is fading or breaking. This the time, especially during the holidays, where it is harder to put on an act that all is well.

Many have found themselves at that crossroad. Wondering. Is it worthy it this year? Some have stoically put on a brave face and convinced the extended family that all is well. Others have rallied support to get allies in the quest to convince the partner to change their ways.

The journey of romance is littered with debris of relationships that have slipped into the “I try” model of romance.

What’s the “I try…” model?

In this approach, people often make an attempt to show their partner love… yet they hold back just enough to protect themselves. They reach out only part way.  While both genders are very guilty of this approach, for the sake of simplicity, let’s only give two examples.

Barry tries. He really does. He attempts to go to the gym. But he’s not that into it. Why bother, if he looks hot, his wife won’t notice and if she does, it’s only to give him a hard time about the women at the gym who took notice of his efforts.

Instead, he figures watching another game with another order of pizza will quell the nagging feeling that his relationship is on the decline. After all, he has to man up about these things. His wife looks hot, still. Everyone keeps telling him how she gets all the attention everywhere. He can’t complain. He’s got it made. He’s got the hot wife everyone wants.. Yet, he’s watching the game alone, feeding his belly and not his romance.

He takes solace in knowing he keeps up with the bills. He keeps up with the house. He keeps up with his career. He tried his best. What more does his wife want from him anyway? He’s tired when he gets home. Plus, what’s to learn in the sack anyway, she’s always got a headache.

It’s not like the situation across the street with Heather. She’s that cozy looking house with the filthy rich husband who pampers her rotten. How she get the luck of that draw anyway?

What Barry doesn’t realize, Heather is just as miserable as he is. She tries everything but her husband pays her little mind. He tries to by her silence with all these lavish gifts that has the neighbors gawking all the time. Heather is tired of being asked to act like some barbie she’s not.

Heather tries to reason with her man, tries to talk to him, tries to seduce him, but he only wants to focus his spare time on saving Barry. If only he could get Barry to man up and romance his own wife… or if Barry only cared about his health enough to work out… or if Barry only would try harder to join one of these investment ideas of his… then, he’d have a buddy who could relate to him.

Heather was tired of feeling like the dumb wife that was the pity party of the neighborhood. Try as she could, she could never manage to get her hubby to take interest in her or her interests.

Maybe, just maybe, if Barry and hubby got together, Heather and wifey could be happy as friends away from their miserable husbands.

The two guys always wondered what it would be like if their wives ever traded notes. Maybe Heather could learn from another woman how to dress all hot. Maybe wifey could learn a thing or two from Heather about making a home feel more homey.

So….um…the point… being?

Comparing oneself to another is the best recipe for despair. Especially in love. No two couples are alike. No two relationship functions the same. There may be basic guidelines that overlap, but in the end, the details is unique to the relationship.

What Barry was forgetting was that he was the author of his own happiness. Instead of dreaming about the tantalizing sex he was not having with the homemaker of his dreams, he should actually work on creating the scenes of his dreams.

Barry could just skip ordering pizza and make a date night of having pizza made with his wife. In the process, he would have uncovered that his wife finds it very sexy to be with a man who knows his way around a kitchen. She works just as hard as he does, but longer hours than he does. Having a change of pace to unwind while being pampered would be very nice.

Don’t be like Barry. Don’t sit and pout and do nothing about the sadness of your life. Take bold actions. Go back and seduce your wife. There was a time baking for his girlfriend made him feel all manners of pride. Especially feeding her with his own hands as she nibbled on his fingers to get all the delicious crumbs off of them.

Don’t do a Barry and sit on the couch wondering why your wife is not catering to your needs when you’re not catering to hers. Some guy at the office will eventually figure her weakness… a savory meal made from scratch… that he will happily serve to her… then… sop up the sauce with a biscuit off her chest.

Man up Barry!