What I can tell you is this, your lady wants to be very close to you and feel safe with you. She wants you to be happy but she also wants to be valued and appreciated for who she is as she is. Some women will put some effort to give you your kink, others won’t. But that shouldn’t change how you connect and relate to her.

In all truth… if the kink is that important to you… you’ve got to screen for that in dating so that you do marry a woman who shares your kink.

Sadly. Cupid’s aim isn’t that good all the time. For all my careful screening, as I’ve had a lot of friends who thoroughly enjoy dressing up and other kinks of mine, my heart was drawn to the person who got my emotional needs. I never understood (in my youth) the importance of forecasting what your needs would be in decades to come. I only found out about my kinks after marriage, once my heart was in a safe place to explore it’s desires. (I knew about the visual component before marriage… but the other kinks came after marriage)

In my case, my wife had no way of knowing about my kinks to even decide if she wanted to share that for the rest of her life. I didn’t even know to let her know so she could make a choice. Several years into marriage, I discovered what was missing… I didn’t even know there was a lifestyle around it either. I just knew something was missing and accepted that I was always going to feel that unmet desire for life.

Once I understood what was missing, the process of discovery started. The negotiations followed shortly after that. Thankfully, I was not as foolish as I was in my early days. Can I speculate that I would be having more kink today if I had not been so foolish back then… yeah… if I like wasting time on things I can’t change lol. What I do know is this, my wife is participating and helping me uncover my kinks. They’re not hers. But she’s involved. And that makes it all the more beautiful. I do make an effort to show my appreciation as often as I can too. (still gotta work on that so I get better all the time)

Wolf Pack Lessons

The alpha male is not about getting his due first. That’s Hollywood. The alpha male is about providing a safe place for his lady so they both can build together the relationship their soul desires.

It won’t be perfect. However, it gets better with time. The safer she feels, the more she works on helping you be happy. The ultimate work of your happiness rests in your hands. Your lady is just there to help and support as best she’s able… no as best as you demand.

This does not mean you can’t speak about it, or work with her on this. It’s an exchange of ideas and soul connecting. There will be days you have to teach her and there will be days she will push back and show you how you’re making her feel.

In the journey of uncovering your romance, you’ve got to keep her needs in clear focus. You’ve got to listen to her. Not just verbally. Listen to her soul. Listen to her heart. Listen with your soul, mind, body, and heart. Use your brain to solve the differences in a win-win way.

The old saying goes something like this:

Men add. Women multiply

The more you pour into her to nourish her, the more she has to use to pour back into you. The quality of what you get from her is highly dependent on what you invest in her.

Do I wish my wife allowed me to cuff her, spank her with a paddle, gag her, have her screaming my name in pleasure, and wear high heels the whole time? Of course (no need to write about the other kinks)

Is that what’s happening. Nope.

But. Has she been spanked, yes. Have I heard my name in pleasure, sure. Has she done heels taller than she would herself have done… absolutely. So, I’m winning. Because she’s doing these things because she wants to… not because I took away her choice and forced her to.

Because of her ongoing support, I was able to write this post with confidence and pride. My wife is giving me way more than I asked for. The connection is getting better and better.

Do I have hopes that in the future I will get more of what I crave? Emotionally… absolutely. The other things… is a negation in progress with optimism for a beautiful win-win outcome.

On the last page, the social media posts that triggered this entire musing will be shared. I am so grateful to all those who took time to leave notes that helped shape this topic. Both private and publicly shared.

If this topic moved you, do please share it. Comments and likes are welcomed as well.

Until next time, fellas, keep connecting emotionally with your ladies more than focusing on what perks she’s giving you. Remember the rose. Nourish her and she will cover you in her perfume.